I thought I would share my personal adventure in tandem nursing to mark the start of Black Breastfeeding Week 2019. Tandem nursing is when you breastfeed siblings of two different ages. It started when I found myself pregnant with my second child while still nursing my 2-year-old. What?!?! Breastfeeding a toddler? With teeth? Yes, extended breastfeeding is common and recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics. There are many benefits to breastfeeding beyond 12 months: increased immune system function, added nutritional benefits, improved brain development, and lower anxiety. Additionally, nothing heals a boo-boo or stops a temper tantrum in its tracks like a mouthful of boob! Also, keep in mind that toddlers don’t nurse nearly as often as infants. Our nursing sessions were primarily before naps and before bedtime, about 3-4 times a day.
When I found myself pregnant while my not-quite-2-year-old was still breastfeeding, neither of us were ready to discontinue our breastfeeding relationship. I continued to safely breastfeed throughout pregnancy. What was that like?

Oftentimes, nurslings are the first to know when you are pregnant. The taste of your milk changes, becoming slightly salty. Some toddlers do not like the new flavor and will refuse to nurse. My toddler did not let a little funny-tasting milk stop her. She continued to nurse throughout my first trimester. As we approached my second trimester, my milk production began to decrease and eventually disappeared altogether. This is common during pregnancy. About 70% of women report decreased milk production during pregnancy. Still, my toddler persisted. This was the most difficult part for me. Dry nursing felt like nails on a chalkboard. Sometimes it was painful. But my toddler strongly desired to soothe herself with suckling, and breastfeeding interaction was still cordial. We worked through this challenge together. I agreed to allow her to continue to breastfeed but in limited increments. I would set a timer for 3 minutes. I would explain that she can have some milk but only for a little while because it hurt Mommy. She was very careful. Sometimes she was upset when the timer beeped and I would cuddle her instead of nursing for a few minutes. Then allow her to nurse again if she was still awake in 10 minutes. It was difficult for both of us.

During the third trimester, my daughter would nurse and feel her sister moving in my growing belly. She would smile and rub my belly while nursing. We would talk about how when the baby came, she would need to share milk with her new sister. When the baby was born, they both nursed together in the hospital bed with me. I was amazed at how big my toddler looked compared to my 6-pound newborn! My toddler was so happy to meet her new sister. Even better, my milk was back! It was like a kid on Christmas Morning when she latched on and milk came out again! She was so happy to have the gift of her mother’s milk! The oldest stroked the baby’s head as they nursed together. As months passed, they would hold hands and exchange glances. They shared this experience for a while until one day, my milk tasted salty again!

This is the time of year when families begin making plans for summer travel. I come from a tradition of horrendous family vacations. There was the trip where my brother got his head stuck between the railings at a hotel and we had to call the fire department to free him. Another time, my sister and I became violently ill after playing in a bidet while on a trip to the Poconos. The worst trip, however, was when my parents decided it would be fun to take a train to visit my uncle in Texas. My parents made reservations to leave Erie, PA on Christmas morning, which was also the during the worst snowstorm of the year. The entire city was buried under snow, and our train was leaving at 4:30AM. My parents woke us up at 2AM. We quickly opened our Christmas presents and then piled into the family station wagon. My siblings and I began arguing in the backseat. My mother started fussing at us, and my father started yelling that he couldn't see anything in the blinding snow. Before we knew it, we had skidded off the road and landed in our neighbor's ditch. We didn't even make it off our street! 
We began the hike back home. At some point, my father had to carry me. He tripped and we both landed in the snow! I began crying as tears froze to my face. My parents had to buy new tickets but could not change the return date. The trip ended up costing my parents over $2,000. We spent 36 hours on the train ride to get there, 1 day in Texas, and another 36 hours back. To this day, they don't regret it because looking back, the trip was a laugh a minute and created memories that we will never forget.

Last week, Charlotte was in the path of Hurricane Florence. The whole city was in a panic, preparing to be without electricity for several days or even weeks! I stocked up on non-perishables, made sure we had flashlights and batteries. Then I took a trip to our local library. If we were going to be cooped up without WiFi, I wanted to make sure we had plenty of reading material!
One of the books I picked up was Lady Day and Mister by Amy Novesky. It was an unexpected look at the life of Billie Holiday. My 9-year-old was already familiar with Lady Day and had even dressed up as her during her school's celebration of Black History Month last year. We had only known her as a singer. We did not know about the special relationships she had with her dogs and how they traveled with her. It was fun to get a glimpse of this Hollywood Star and her personal life. It brought Billie Holiday to life and made her relatable.

School is back in session for my kids. It's a pretty low-key event around here, no Facebook pictures or special outfits. We have very normal days now. That's in high contrast to how our days used to be. 
Facebook recently reminded me of a disastrous morning we had getting to school a few years ago. We were rushing out the door, as usual. The kids had their breakfast in hand as they piled into the minivan. When we got about 2 miles from our house, my daughter started screaming about a spider crawling on the window. I rolled down the window, hoping it would go out, but it didn't. Fortunately, I had an empty coffee mug in the cup holder from the pervious day. I handed the cup to my daughter so she could smash the spider, but instead, she threw my cup at it! The spider and my mug flew out of the window!
I pulled over and ran to retrieve my mug from the side of the road. When I got back into the car, I told my kids to finish eating their breakfasts. That's when my daughter realized that she had been sitting in her toast and jelly while battling the spider. I handed her a roll of paper towels and kept on pushing, onward to school!
That was a horrendous morning. I don't know when the shift occurred, but we no longer have mornings like that. Those JACK'd up experiences are blurry memories that we can laugh at now, and I share them to let parents know that there is another side. The days are long and hard, but the years really do pass quickly.

One of your very first parenting tasks might be selecting a doctor for your unborn child. I suggest you interview at least 2, and choose the one that you feel most comfortable with. Below is a list of interview questions to ask.
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What are your hours? What happens if my baby is sick after hours/weekend? Is there a 24-hour nurse's line?
Are you open on weekends?
Do you offer same-day sick appointments?
Do you have hospital privileges? If so, which hospitals?
What are your views on antibiotic use? Vaccinations? Breastfeeding beyond 1 year? Co-sleeping?
Do you have a lactation consultant on staff?


Questions to ask yourself:
Are there separate waiting rooms for sick and well children?
How did the staff treat you?
Were they receptive to doing an interview?
Did the doctor roll his/her eyes at any of your interview questions? 
Were you rushed?

This is the time of year when we hear the ringing of bells among the hustle and bustle of holiday shopping. As I have discussed before, shopping with the kids in tow can be an adventure. I think it's that way for most parents. My mother, however, was a master at getting her kids to behave while out in public. 

​Every year, I am reminded of my mother's greatness when it came to getting her kids to shape up. It was a cold, December evening, and my mother needed to stop by the store on the way home. My sister and I bickered about everything: who got to sit in the front seat, who got to walk next to Mom, what treat we wanted to buy, etc. Then we heard the ringing of bells and saw the red kettle. Curious, I asked my mother what the bells were about. Without hesitation and with a straight face, she said, "That's where you drop off kids who are misbehaving."

​My eyes widened and I tightened my grip on mother's arm. My sister and I didn't make a peep. My mother had no issues from either of us and was able to shop in heavenly peace.

Last night, my son and I read Up in the Garden and Down in the Dirt​ by Kate Messner. It's a picture book about a child exploring the garden in her backyard through the changing seasons. It describes the types of creepy crawlies found in the dirt such as grubs, crickets and earthworms. It also talks about the changing seasons and what the bugs and plants do as winter approaches.

​My active 4-year-old sat intently the whole time, pointing out and naming bugs that he recognized. He made many connections between the book and his life, and remembered seeing and touching many of the insects and flowers described in the book. Now he's on a mission to find the bugs again and match them to the pictures in the book. His excitement about a book brings such joy to me! I love seeing my child excited about learning and engrossed in a book. If your child enjoys outdoor play, this book will be a hit and can be found in Charlotte Mecklenburg Libraries.